Inexcusable vs Unforgivable

"You can't forgive him! If you do, he's getting away with it!"

That's what I heard every time I felt convicted about forgiving someone who hurt me. It's certainly what it felt like. But thankfully, as a wise friend once told me, emotions are not truth. Just because my feelings tell me he gets away with something if I forgive him doesn't mean I have to believe it. Because it's not true.

Really think about those words: inexcusable... unforgivable. Are those words interchangeable? Well, some people use them as synonyms, but they aren't. Inexcusable means there is no excuse, that it can't be waved away as if it were nothing.

Forgiveness does not magically turn their sin into something that was alright to do. Is that God's attitude when He forgives us? That it's only a sin until you're forgiven, and then it's just unfortunate? No. It's a sin before and after the forgiveness. The difference... is in the forgiveness.

The first thing I did, when I realized that forgiveness wasn't making those sins against me "ok" was I said it out loud. It was so freeing to do that! I said it over and over. It was WRONG. Inexcusable!

"But not unforgivable!" says another voice.

To forgive someone is to not punish them for their wrong. To allow them the grace and room to change. And if I didn't forgive him because I thought he shouldn't be let off the hook, well, then whose place was I in?

Punishing his sin isn't my job. It's God's. Those who wrong us aren't getting away with it; He knows, is watching, and is working, though we may not see it.

Forgiving someone isn't easy, especially the deeper the hurts go. But it isn't impossible. It starts as an act of the will. "I choose to forgive him. I choose to lay down my anger, and I will not punish him, not even in my mind." And at first it has to be done at least once a day. In cases like mine where that person is such a basic part of your life, it has to be done many times a day. Oooh, that just was hard.

But soon God begins to soften our hearts. The anger and hurt begin to fade, and eventually those painful memories become facts, not open wounds.

Forgiving isn't easy. But who wants to shrivel up into a bitter old woman? And if I want to be a sweet old lady someday, I gotta start being a sweet young woman today.