Inexcusable vs Unforgivable

"You can't forgive him! If you do, he's getting away with it!"

That's what I heard every time I felt convicted about forgiving someone who hurt me. It's certainly what it felt like. But thankfully, as a wise friend once told me, emotions are not truth. Just because my feelings tell me he gets away with something if I forgive him doesn't mean I have to believe it. Because it's not true.

Really think about those words: inexcusable... unforgivable. Are those words interchangeable? Well, some people use them as synonyms, but they aren't. Inexcusable means there is no excuse, that it can't be waved away as if it were nothing.

Forgiveness does not magically turn their sin into something that was alright to do. Is that God's attitude when He forgives us? That it's only a sin until you're forgiven, and then it's just unfortunate? No. It's a sin before and after the forgiveness. The difference... is in the forgiveness.

The first thing I did, when I realized that forgiveness wasn't making those sins against me "ok" was I said it out loud. It was so freeing to do that! I said it over and over. It was WRONG. Inexcusable!

"But not unforgivable!" says another voice.

To forgive someone is to not punish them for their wrong. To allow them the grace and room to change. And if I didn't forgive him because I thought he shouldn't be let off the hook, well, then whose place was I in?

Punishing his sin isn't my job. It's God's. Those who wrong us aren't getting away with it; He knows, is watching, and is working, though we may not see it.

Forgiving someone isn't easy, especially the deeper the hurts go. But it isn't impossible. It starts as an act of the will. "I choose to forgive him. I choose to lay down my anger, and I will not punish him, not even in my mind." And at first it has to be done at least once a day. In cases like mine where that person is such a basic part of your life, it has to be done many times a day. Oooh, that just was hard.

But soon God begins to soften our hearts. The anger and hurt begin to fade, and eventually those painful memories become facts, not open wounds.

Forgiving isn't easy. But who wants to shrivel up into a bitter old woman? And if I want to be a sweet old lady someday, I gotta start being a sweet young woman today.

How it went: entertaining

It went really well!!

Of course, things went wrong (don't they always), but I found a way around it. I had baked banana bread, but it didn't cook all the way through. The center was still pretty raw. It's a new oven to us, so I have some tweaking to do. I just ran to the store and picked up a cheesecake and topping. Wala!

She arrived at 1:00 on the dot, with beautiful flowers in hand. She had done her hair up in rollers and was just a cute curly guest! But her hubby wouldn't come - said it was a "woman thing." LOL So when the afternoon was over, I sent some cheesecake home with her for him. Turns out the kind I served is his favorite and the only kind he will eat. (smile)

We chatted nonstop for 3 hours! We laughed and laughed, and laughed some more. It really was fun. And she read books to my kidlets, which I wondered who it was more fun for - her or the kids? Her grandkids live far away, and she just ate up my little crew.

When she was leaving, she kept saying again and again how we have to do this again because it was so much fun. And it was! I'm very happy with how things went... just really enjoyable and relaxing.

Entertaining tomorrow...!

It's been on my heart a lot lately to be hospitable. I came upon a verse about hospitality in the Bible that just really grabbed me. It is a simple verse, and the wording doesn't seem to be something that would convict a person, but it convicted me. "Use hospitality one to another without grudging." - 1 Peter 4:9

Within days of feeling the pull from that verse to entertain, I found the blog 4 Reluctant Entertainers, written by Sandy, a fellow Christian woman. Her blog is just loaded with examples of being a hostess and full of lots of encouragement. It will be a long time before I can aspire to her level of hostessing, but after this post especially (on Irish hospitality and pride), I was encouraged to just jump in, with SIMPLE being the thing. We're finally settled in our new home, so now is a good time, right?

Here is the invitation I made to a sweet couple who live two doors down. They are a retired military couple (well, he was the soldier, but hey, we wives are "in" the military, too!), and I simply invited them over for goodies in the afternoon. I think I said, "cookies and milk." Although we are also gonna have banana bread. Also on the invitation, I invited them to "chat the afternoon away" with us. It'll be my kiddos, the neighboring couple, and myself. Hubby will still be at work.

After making the invitation, the kids and I walked to their house and personally delivered it. Since then, we've seen the wife out in the yard, and she was so excited! I've never seen anyone in their 60s so giggly before! It was the sweetest and most wonderful reaction. I never would have thought that cookies, milk, and conversation would bring such a response. She said she "can't wait!" I can't wait, either, and I will definitely let you know how it goes!

Wordless Wednesday

How a boy plays house...

For more Wordless Wednesday fun, click on the button to the left. It's lots of fun! And you just might find a few cool blogs to enjoy.

A little note about posts and pictures

I have hundreds of adorable pics of my kids and even a couple of me and the kids, but... I don't post them for privacy reasons.

One, I have posted about our marriage issues, and very few people in our families and face-to-face friends know. I'd like to keep it that way. If I post pics that are easily recognizable as my family, then the cat is outta the bag.

Two, I am leary about having too much info out there about my kids and their identities. We live in a small town right now, and with my dh often gone, it seems wise to not put ourselves out there. I try to be vague about our location anyway in posts. I don't even post about the weather because it could lead to someone pinpointing the area I'm in.

Of course, this significantly narrows down my Wordless Wednesday selections. Or adding cute little photos to add "awww" value to my posts on what the kids are doing lately. But I'd rather be safe and less exciting than sorry.

Just FYI.

Growing up is so much fun!

Shortcake now drinks from both a sippy and a straw. She learned both skills in the last few days. Man, does it make things easier. Now when we are out, I don't always have to nurse her, if it's not a good time. Sometimes she still insists, but often she is content with the other options.

Goodness, I just can't believe how big she is getting! She walks pretty quickly now. And she loves to play chase. I chase her by crawling behind her, slapping the ground behind her really loudly, which makes her shriek in glee, while growling at her. She loves it. She gets so excited that she'll get all tangled up in her own legs and crash. Then I attack her and tickle. I do SO love that belly laugh!

A first for me: being tagged

I was tagged by Christi at Jealous Hands for this, my very first meme. Like Christi, I'd seen it around. And now, it has come to me.

Four jobs I’ve held: (How far back are we going here...?)

1. High school - Wendy's
2. College - various positions in the distribution center for A Beka Book
3. 1st grade teacher
4. Camp counsellor

Four movies I can watch over and over again: Ok, I know that there are a TON I could watch over and over, so just picking what pops into my mind first...

1. Man from Snowy River (and it's sequel, Return to Snowy River)
2. Kate and Leopold
3. Topper Returns
4. Philadelphia Story

Four places I have lived:

1. Florida
2. Georgia
3. Maryland
4. Missouri

Four tv shows I watch: (well, we don't have tv right now, but when we did...)

1. Gilmore Girls (I was an addict!!!)
2. The Unit
3. Everybody Hates Chris
4. Whose Line is it Anyway? (Love, love, love those reruns!)

Four places I’ve been on vacation: You know, I can't truly answer this as others have done. I've never been on a true vacation. Didn't even have a honeymoon. Shocking, I know. So, when we got small amounts of time off or a bit of money, we...

1. Went canoeing for a day
2. Went camping for a night or two
3. Visited family

Four of my favorite foods:

1. cheesecake, plain or fruit topping - but fave topping is fresh blueberries!
2. brownies
3. mashed potatoes
4. french toast

Four websites I visit:

1. Amazon
2. Land's End
3. Truth for Life
4. Old Fashioned Christian Music Radio - disclaimer: I don't agree with the man's viewpoint on music, but I enjoy the stuff he plays. If you love old hymns, this is a good site.

I'm tagging Michelle, Melissa, Debi, and Kugoi. No worries, though. Participate if you wish; sit this one out if you like.

Did I ever tell you about the time...

WARNING: The end of the story is not for the squeamish, although I'll try to not be too gross. So if you're pregnant... maybe skip this post.

Rewind my life a few years - back to when I was pregnant with our first baby, and we lived in Florida.

One night, I came home from work (I was a first grade teacher) and was soooo exhausted that I went to bed right after dinner. Not long after, hubby is shaking me hard and telling me to get up because he needs my help. I'm thinking that this had better be doggone good to interrupt this pregnant woman's sleep!

He takes me into the kitchen and asks me to help him look for a possum he just scared.

A what???

Yes, a possum. Aka the opossum. (And did you know it's the only marsupial in North America? Just some trivia for ya.)

He had heard some knocking around in the cabinet that held our pots and pans and had immediately thought, "Great, we've got a mouse." He opened the door, to find a possum sitting right up against the cabinet door, staring at him. It was so NOT what he expected that he slammed the door shut. So now he needed me to help find it.

Well, we "chased" the thing around the hiding places and crevices of our kitchen. I say "chased" because he'd run in and around the cabinets, finding places to get through that we didn't know existed, and at one point, he was behind the stove, climbing up the mechanical whatsits of it. Somehow, hubby hooked its tail and tried to pull it off the stove, but this thing had more of a tenacious grip than two desperate women fighting over a blouse on sale. We couldn't nab him and soon he disappeared into the cabinets for the rest of the night.

It didn't appear to be full-grown, so hubby and I figured that after that scary experience, the little guy wouldn't be back.

We figured wrong.

A few nights later, I was sitting on the floor, watching my hubby play a computer game. Out of the corner of my left eye, I saw some movement. When I turned, there was the possum. Sitting in the middle of my living room, about a foot or so from my knee (I was sitting somewhat Indian style). Looking at me. With those big, black eyes. Just looking at me.

Normally, I'm not a screamer. If you come up behind me and grab my sides, hoping to get a girly scream, you'll be disappointed. I might yell. Or jump. But no screaming.

Until that possum was that close to my knee! I mean, come on. How often does a wild animal do that in your living room? Hubby was a bit peeved with me, because that possum turned tail (groan, pun police are arriving) and ran down the hallway and into our bedroom.

Oh.great.

Hubby cornered the wee fella in the closet... but NOW what? How do we get rid of this thing? We had no guns at the time, and even if we HAD, do you know what a gun of any sort would do to a small possum at that close of range? Then hubby says, "Remember those homemade arrows your dad bought in Uganda?"

Uh oh. You know what's coming next, don'tcha? *gross alert*

Yes, he stabbed the possum a few times, because folks, we had no other choice. It was around midnight, and no conservation agent is gonna come save you that late at night from a young possum. Then he took it outside. I don't know how, because to be honest, I was hiding in another room, covering my ears and squeezing my eyes really tight. But he took it outside and beat it to death. Not pretty. Hubby came in with ... stuff on him, shall we say.

Now, hubby is a hunter. So he's done his share of killing an animal and cleaning it. But there is a world of difference between killing an animal quickly with a gun yards away and then what happened to that poor possum. Hubby was very grossed out about every part of it - the arrow, the beating.

We had wanted to let the fella go, but he obviously wasn't scared of US. He came back, even after we showed we were a threat to him. And we didn't know if he had a disease or what. I was pregnant, and when you know a wild animal isn't scared of you and you have a child to protect (born or unborn), you do what you gotta do.

Wordless Wednesday

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Gentleness

I've not been very patient with the kids lately, as you know. I'd love to say that after I wrote that post that everything righted itself, but it did not. That fix was a temporary one. I'm still hormonal and grumpy. And tired. And short-tempered. And tired. And hormonal. And tired. LOL

But as I was having my time with the Lord this morning (a challenge for me, but I can't keep my evening routine of studying because with dh here at night now, it isn't working out), my attention was caught by this phrase in Psalm 18:35 - "thy gentleness hath made me great." David was speaking of God's gentleness. That's a rather unique phrase in scripture, isn't it? And it caught my attention. I mulled over it awhile, thinking how did God's gentleness make David great?

Hmmm, well, David (and I, for that matter) did not deserve God's gentleness. What we all deserve is God's immediate judgment for the sins we commit, right? But He is gentle with us. Long suffering. Patient.

God was gentle with David, instead of harsh, and through time and patience on God's part, David slowly became what he was.

Hmmm. This is what my children need of me. Gentleness. Not snapping at them when I've told them 100 times... or on my snippy days, told them twice and now have no tolerance. They need from me a lifetime of gentleness, mercy, discipline, and love to mold them into what God would have them be.

That brings up a question: how is discipline gentle? What is the alternative? With God, discipline is the gentle option. Loving guidance that, yes, sometimes is SO upleasant and painful. Is it fun when He brings us through difficult trials to bring us back to Him? Nope. Unpleasant and painful. But what is the alternative? Do you know where I'd be without Him? Do you know how horrible my life would be without Him? And my ETERNITY without Him? *shudder* Oh, His discipline IS the gentle option.

So it is with us as parents. Our discipline is the gentle option, or else our children will grow to be unruly, disrespectful, disobedient... and unhappy adults. But also, practically speaking... if I'm being harsh, I'm getting in the way of my children actually seeing where they were wrong. If their eyes are HUGE because I'm wigging out over their 300th argument of the day, how can they see anything but my hissy fit and frustration? How can I ever get them to focus on their part in it all if they are just intimidated by Mom and thinking they don't want to cross me again?

I do think it is ok for our children to see us angry over their sin. God gets angry with us. But my discipline and my treatment of them should never be in the heat of my irritation or anger.

Sigh. I've failed miserably lately. Yeah, I know, the hormones aren't my fault and make things harder. I know you've all been there. But it doesn't excuse being a shrew. My hormones aren't their problem. It is mine.

Military Mommy has a great post that is along these lines, too. Her prayer at the end is so right on. It is wonderfully convicting and encouraging, all at the same time. Take the time to check it out.

Ahhh, the power of love and chocolate

For the past 2 or 3 days, I've not quite been myself. I've been really on edge with the kids, been having to force myself to talk, and very, very restless.

Hubby has commented several times about how "odd" I've been, and am I depressed? Nope, just in some kind of weird funk. A funk that I'd really like to get out of.

So tonight, after a few days of this, he was giving little affectionate touches as he'd walk past - a squeeze on the shoulder, a quick rub of the back, etc. Then he later put the kids in front of a Veggie Tales video and gave me some real 1:1 quality time as only a hubby can do. And then - he bought me some chocolate chip cookies.

And I tell you, after our quality time, I did feel a bit better. The funk started to lift, but would hit in waves. Very odd. I'm so weird! But then - about a half hour after the chocolate, wow, was the funk GONE.

I told dh that it is amazing what a little lovin' from the hubs and chocolate will do for a girl! And a little thought occurred to me... I'm due for my period in the next few days. So THAT'S what's wrong with me and why those things helped!

Sometimes, being a girl is just so... (what would you put in this blank?)

A little exercise in counting

As we were sitting at the table today over lunch, Sweetheart began picking up his pieces of food and counting them. Then we played a counting game that went like this:

Sweetheart: One!

Mommy: Two

Sweetheart: Three!

Mommy: Four

Sweetheart: Five!

Mommy: Six

Sweetheart: (paused, looked up at the ceiling in thought...) APPLE!!

Wordless Wednesday

This is my first entry, as I join the ranks of "Wordless Wednesday" participants...



For more pictures that make you smile or go "awwww," visit Wordless Wednesday headquarters! (You can click this link or click the WW button above.)

Shortcake's busy week!

The biggest news is that she is now ONE YEAR OLD!!! She had her birthday July 5th. Poor girl was too tired to enjoy her cake. So I forsee a reinactment one of these days. I want some good pics of her digging in!

She also experienced her first fireworks display. She sat on Grandpa's lap and STARED. She occasionally clapped and shrieked in delight. Very.cute. Boy, did it bring back memories of last year's experience at the fireworks show. I was doing my best impression of a hippo. I'm short - between 5'3" and 5'4", carrying my babies straight out front. People stared at me as I'd work my way up and down the concrete steps. The next day she was born, weighing 10 pounds, 10 ounces. See what I mean when I say hippo impression?

As if a birthday and your first fireworks weren't enough, she also started giving us kisses, saying "uh oh" and cut her 6th tooth. Oh yeah, and walking more and more. The week before, her walking to crawling ratio was probably 50:50. This week, we're looking at 75:25.

Dad affectionately calls her "Sookie," which you Gilmore Girl fans will recognize instantly. He says it in this special tone of voice that makes her grin. And although we hadn't seen my parents in about two weeks which made her look at him like... "I think I know you," she instantly threw herself at him when he did the "Sookie" thing. You could just see her little light bulb turn on.

And here I will leave you with a picture of Grandpa (my dad) and his "Sookie."

Friendly customer relations

Don't you just love it when a company goes the extra mile to be friendly and personable? It makes you feel so much less like just another number or another dollar sign, doesn't it? Takes you back to the good ol' days when people not only did business together, but also took care of each other. Ahhhh, the good ol' days.

But sometimes, you can try too hard. Like when I received this in the mail today...

"Welcome to your monthly mortgage statement."

Hmmm, if that were in a list of top ten least-likely-events-to-welcome-someone-to (this being number 10), what else would be in there?

9 Welcome to going to the prom with your first cousin.
8. Welcome to your first eye-gouging.
7. Welcome to totalling your car.
6. Welcome to stretch marks.
5. Welcome to identity theft.
4. Welcome to losing the superbowl. (Not a sports fan, but I hear that's awful.)
3. Welcome to bankruptcy.
2. Welcome to gray hair.
1. Welcome to root canals.